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Helicopters, Drill Sergeants and
Consultants may sound like unlikely titles for
parents, but a closer look reveals the kinds of messages
these different parents send to their children.
Helicopters
Helicopter parents make a lot of noise,
a lot of wind and a lot of racket. They hover over
and rescue their children whenever trouble arises.
Often viewed as model parents, they sincerely believe
they are preparing their children for the real world.
But helicopter parents are actually "stealing" learning
experiences from their children in the name of love.
The message sent to the child is, "You are fragile
and can't make it without me."
Drill Sergeants
Drill sergeant parents also make a
lot of noise, wind and racket. Their motto is: "When
I say jump, you jump!" The children of drill sergeants,
like those of helicopters, have never had the chance
to make their own decisions and are dependent upon
their parents. The message sent by drill sergeants
is "You can't think for yourself, so I'll do it
for you."
Consultants
Consultants parents are always willing
to give advice. Instead of rescuing or controlling,
they allow their children to make decisions and experience
life's natural consequences while providing guidance.
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Consultants are always willing to help children explore
solutions to problems. They're always willing to describe
how they would solve a problem themselves. But then
they "blow out" and allow their children to make their
own decision. Instead of dependency, the consultant
sends message that create self-worth and strength
in their children.
The following example indicates the difference in
these three styles:
When a child complains about being picked on at
school, the helicopter says, "Don't worry, I'll
tell the teacher to straighten that kid out for you."
The drill sergeant commands, "You smack that kid
the next time and he'll stop!" The consultant
replies, "That's really sad. Would you like to
hear what some other kids have done to solve that?"
Guidance Services
Think of a consultant parent as someone
who provides guidance services for their children.
The following will help you become a consultant
parent:
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Take care of yourself.
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Provide alternatives.
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Allow natural consequences
to take place.
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