Helicopters, Drill Sergeants and Consultants may sound like unlikely titles for parents, but a closer look reveals the kinds of messages these different parents send to their children.

Helicopters

Helicopter parents make a lot of noise, a lot of wind and a lot of racket. They hover over and rescue their children whenever trouble arises. Often viewed as model parents, they sincerely believe they are preparing their children for the real world. But helicopter parents are actually "stealing" learning experiences from their children in the name of love. The message sent to the child is, "You are fragile and can't make it without me."

Drill Sergeants

Drill sergeant parents also make a lot of noise, wind and racket. Their motto is: "When I say jump, you jump!" The children of drill sergeants, like those of helicopters, have never had the chance to make their own decisions and are dependent upon their parents. The message sent by drill sergeants is "You can't think for yourself, so I'll do it for you."

Consultants

Consultants parents are always willing to give advice. Instead of rescuing or controlling, they allow their children to make decisions and experience life's natural consequences while providing guidance.

Consultants are always willing to help children explore solutions to problems. They're always willing to describe how they would solve a problem themselves. But then they "blow out" and allow their children to make their own decision. Instead of dependency, the consultant sends message that create self-worth and strength in their children.

The following example indicates the difference in these three styles:

When a child complains about being picked on at school, the helicopter says, "Don't worry, I'll tell the teacher to straighten that kid out for you." The drill sergeant commands, "You smack that kid the next time and he'll stop!" The consultant replies, "That's really sad. Would you like to hear what some other kids have done to solve that?"